08.04.05 Friday N 13 2005

Avoid Arrogance and Rudeness

Cultural gaps can be funny or tragic. In any case, most of them make for a good story. You can share your cultural experience too - send your stories or observations to gap@mn.ru. (To jump to Jerome's comments, click here)

Adam Voichik, the Netherlands
Looking at the TV screen or reading books you may receive a false impression of Russian women: majority is shown as pretty, charming and kind. But when you come to Moscow you are discovering that in reality there are many types of them. And if, say, I dare assume, that all Dutch women have a lot in common, Russians do not have a single "national" trait at all.

So, first of all, there are Russian woman as Western men used to think of them: family-oriented, shy, hard-workers, kind, etc. They tend to work in state offices or in creative jobs. The interesting thing is that when you need their help they are often very eager to respond. On the other hand, it seems they are a bit lazy about their duties. There are also women with a kind of feminist mindset, they tend to be highly educated and independent, but still it's not as bad as in Western Europe. They work in management or politics, they are smart and charming. Perhaps that's the best type of all. Then, there are young fashionable ladies, their only wish is wealth. They do not pay any attention to you if you are not showing off. And the arrogance is striking here: mostly they judge only by appearance, so if one doesn't not look rich he has no chances. I find it idiotic. Of course, there are business women who concentrate on their career. They are Westernized, but at the same time pay close attention to family matters. Unlike European women, they seem more likely to be risky and more tough in facing obstacles at the same time. They know how to deal with colleagues and clients.

There are sales women. This is a peculiar type. They show neither favor nor respect to other people. It mainly happens in small stores, especially Soviet- style ones. But even in big supermarkets or fashionable shops they can demonstrate the same attitude.

Dear Adam,

Your observations about Russian women raise a few explicative comments from a cross-cultural point of view.

I voluntarily set aside the grimy face of the saleswoman and the immoral, money minded girls to concentrate on the overall image westerners have of Russian women.

Russia is a non-equalitarian society. It does not mean citizens are not equal in front of the law. It means people believe everyone is after all different, hence each is accepted in his or her uniqueness in exchange for an expected behavior. Thus, the gender definition is very strict and the idea that men and women could act in a same way is strange.

In other words, men are expected to behave in a “manly” attitude (dark outfits, indelicate public manners, drinking vodka in the garage with buddies, etc) while women are likely to fit in the women’s role: feminine (sexy) dress code for young ladies, extensive use of cosmetics and beauty salons for young professional mothers, and granny-type of behavior after a certain age (often earlier than in the West).

That is also why courting looks so anachronous (or romantic) for foreigners in Russia. Everyone is expected to follow a strict ceremonial where the boy brings flowers to a date and the girl is late.

In a much equalitarian society such as Holland, genders tend to blend into a unisex way. Girls wear jeans and T-shirts and the bill at the restaurant is split in half. Crossing Russian ladies path may then be an exotic and bewildering experience…

Comment by Jerome Dumetz, teaching cross-cultural communication at the REA Plekhanov in Moscow, and independent consultant.